How To Contact an Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend

Contact with your ex… it’s sticky, it’s tricky, and it’s something that puts knots in the pit of your stomach.  So what should you do?  How do you handle it?  Well… read on!

Situation 1: Your Ex Contacts You

This is the best-case scenario for someone looking to get back with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend. After your initial disappearing act, your former-lover is going to wonder where you went and what you’re now doing. Suddenly they won’t feel so special anymore, especially since you’re not chasing after them. They may be missing you, curious about you… whatever. It doesn’t matter, really. All that matters is that by contacting you out of the blue, your ex is giving you one of the major signs that your ex-boyfriend may want you back.

If you’re trying to get back an ex girlfriend, the signs your ex-girlfriend wants you back are basically the same, but her motives for wanting you back may be slightly different.

At any rate, being contacted is always better than having to re-establish the connection on your own. If you’ve starved your ex of any kind of communication with you, chances are you’re due for a phone call. Don’t go thinking your ex is too busy to call you, or doesn’t care enough to pick up the phone… the reason things might not be working out for you right now is because you’re keeping up too much of a relationship with your ex. Being always around, they never get the chance to miss you. Try disappearing for a while – you’ll be surprised at how well it works.

Situation 2: You Run Into Your Ex

There are two ways you can bump into your exgirlfriend or boyfrind. Either you run into her somewhere you both might commonly be (the mall, a local restaurant, school…), or you set up a situation where you “accidentally” bump into her. While I don’t recommend the latter, there are instances where you can make it work. What you’ll need to do first though, is have a long period where you and your ex haven’t seen each other, spoken, emailed, or even had third-person contact through a friend. If that’s the case, your ex won’t suspect anything when you suddenly and casually run into her in public. But beware: if she thinks for even one split second that you set her up? You’re going to be labeled a stalker… and there’s almost no coming back from that.

When you do see your ex for the first time, there are two important things to do. First, keep it friendly and casual. Don’t discuss anything serious (especially not your break up!) and don’t ask her about her dating situation (doing so is a big red flag for her at this point). Make small talk, but keep eye contact. Be genuinely happy to see her, but don’t act overly excited. Ask her how things have been, and what she’s been up to, and how her family is doing.

The second thing to do: keep it short. Even if the conversation is going good (and especially if it’s going good), keep things quick and get moving. You want to leave your ex wanting more… you’ve said hello, made an impression, it was good to see each other again. Know that she’ll be thinking about you even after you’ve moved on, so don’t linger around longer than you should. If you do that, it could come off as a little bit clingy or desperate.

Situation 3: You Need To Contact Your Ex

In trying to get back your ex, a lot of the process involves the correct timing. While you’re alone and removed from his life, try to still keep an ear to the ground as to what your ex is doing. Don’t overly occupy yourself with his daily life, but there may be situations where your ex is a little more approachable than other times. When enough time has gone by and you’re ready to re-establish contact with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, there may be an opportunity you can take advantage of.

For example, if you know your ex is graduating, you can send them a card or give them a congratulatory phone call on that day. This is something you knew beforehand, so it’s not like you stalked him… and he’ll think it’s kind of sweet that you remembered his day. You also haven’t called or talked to him in a long while, so he doesn’t think you have ulterior motives. This is the type of situation I’m talking about.

And remember all those things your ex left behind after you broke up? This is another more innocent way you can get in touch with him. If he left nothing more than a CD or book, you really have no grounds to make such a call. Weeks or months later, that type of contact with your ex will seem lame and contrived. But if he left a bunch of stuff? You can shoot him an email. Tell him you were cleaning up, and you found XYZ… and hey, would he like it? Don’t offer to drop it off, either. Let your exboyfriend arrange a time and place where he’s going to pick it up. If he offers to meet you for lunch or coffee or something like that, even better. That’s yet another sign he’s been thinking about you in a good way.

Getting back in touch after a breakup requires learning when and how to call your ex. Find out exactly the best approach to suit your own situation, before you even think about moving forward.

Situation 4: Meeting Up With Your Ex

Want your ex back? Good. Then you’ll definitely need to know how to handle the reunion date.

When you get to the point where you’re going to physically meet your ex again, congratulations. If even this meeting is nothing more than an innocent cup of coffee it’s still a giant step toward winning back your ex.

Feeling somewhat nervous about seeing him or her again is normal, but try to remember that your exboyfriend or girlfriend is probably feeling the same way. Instead, focus on being confident, and as cool as possible.

You’ll want to steer clear of any serious conversation on your first meeting. Keep things light, happy, and fun. Don’t tell your ex you missed him or have been thinking about him – tipping your hand too early can set you back a few steps. However, be on the look out for signals or signs your ex might be giving off that act as green lights toward reconciliation. Know exactly what these signs are, so you can encourage them when they occur.

First face-to-face contact with your ex should be something you both have a good time with. Break the ice with small talk and try to just catch up on things. Don’t think about your past relationship and try to treat this almost as if it were a first date. There may be some flirting, or maybe not. Let your ex do most of the talking, and try to read where he is on things. Maintain some distance of your own, but be prepared to close that distance if your ex starts leaning in more intimate directions. Body language plays a big role here, and you should be aware of it.

The goal of your reunion date is simple: to have another one. Leave your ex happy and wanting to see more of you. “Let’s do this again” should flow naturally from both sides of the table, it shouldn’t be awkward or strange or anything like that. The more comfortable you ex becomes around you, the easier it will be to get him or her back.